Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Ranks of the Undead

The Sunday Times seems to have a policy of always having on their staff, at least one self interested, vain, vacuous, pointless posh bint, filling the column inches with endless witterings*. In the '90s this role was filled by admirably by Tara Palmer Tomkinson. Now I quite liked Tara, but I know many people who she sends into fits of incandescent rage just by her mere existence.
Since she left, the paper has lacked that one infuriating hack to get your blood up of a Sunday morning. Thank god then that Christa D'Souza has stepped up to the plate.
Christa D'Souza yesterday.

1661! Don't you kid yourself missy, I have seen artifacts from the British Museum in better nick. Still, she was jolly good in Star Wars.

*Yes I realise the irony of this, she can hate me back if she likes.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007


A man in Zurich airport with a longbow and a full quiver of arrows.
How do you suppose he got THAT through security?

Monday, January 29, 2007

Slip Slidin' Away

I enjoy sliding a car around as much as the next man, in fact mrs smahman bought me a rally driving course last Christmas, which was a blast. But even I draw the line at getting a car sideways on an icy mountain road, where huge drops are a prominent feature.

Sooooooo, the taxi driver in Davos who thought a rear wheel drive automatic BMW would be the ideal winter vehicle for precipitous mountain roads, needs to seriously rethink his strategy. Either that or get some snow chains.

The same also applies to my Brasher hiking boots which provided absolutely NO GRIP on ice, thus ensuring no more than 10 minutes went past without me flying face first into a snow drift.

Money well spent.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Bluetooth and Lies

I am well used to being the poorest person in the room, but when you are surrounded by billionaires it smarts a touch more.

"I could BUY you!"

We are all hanging out at the World Economic Forum in Davos, a very odd state of affairs. It comes to something when you are stranding at the bar next to the richest man in England.

And he wouldn't even lend me a fiver.
You turn the other way and Stelios is lounging by the piano - it's all very weird.

HOWEVER, I have invented a brilliant new game, simply set your bluetooth name to "Bill Gates" or "Bono" and then try and connect to complete strangers in the bar. In this scenario it is just about feasible that they might be hanging out here, and for the juvenile man jolly entertaining.

Right - I am off for a pint with Kofi Annan.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Nooooooooo! My weakest spot.

03342382228 Giantweazle

No posting for a while because someone has started a pun game. Clearly I find it impossible to resist. The fruits of these labours can be found here

Thursday, January 11, 2007

What have I been Eating? Lead!

On the second of January I weighed 12 stone 3.
Last night I weighed 12 stone 10.

How can I have possibly put on half a stone in a week?
This morning 3 pounds had magically disappeared in the night. I do not and refuse to understand. Scales are clearly a thing only women can work.

I am going back to CURRY and BEER, which got me into this state in the first place.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Is it in the contract?

That WSM competitors must have silly names. Would the following please stand up...

Steve Bourgeois

Josh Thigpen

Luo Huangdong

And my favourite - Odd Haugen.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

And the tears rolled down our cheeks...

Watched "The World's Strongest Man" on telly last night - always funny, sometimes unintentionally. I particularly enjoyed "Fingal's Fingers", where big men lift big poles and flip them up. The commentary was glorious: "there goes another finger! and another! but can he do four?" Mrs smahman and I, being grown ups, found this hugely amusing.

But our mirth knew no bounds when this man stepped up to the plate.

"Don't fuck with ME!"