Tuesday, November 28, 2006

This is where the party ends.

I know that politics bore you, but I can't sit here listening to you and your racist friend.
Is anyone really racist anymore? Apart from in a juvenile sense just to get a rise.
They seemed so nice as well.


Tuesday, November 14, 2006

And Behold - A Pale Horse

Reasons not to hang a hoody on the edge of the wardrobe.

1. When your girlfriend wakes in the night and sees the shadowy outline of a hooded man in the room and goes absolutely mental.

That's about it really. It took about an hour for my heart rate to return to normal.

It would have been less scary had my grandfather not died the day before.


Wednesday, November 08, 2006

So you want a job as an Indian Policeman?

But consider the written exam a little tough. So what do you do - take it with good grace. Why no, as a potential guardian of the Law, clearly, you run amok.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Van Man!

Moving house is rubbish. FACT. But you do get to have a van for a day, which is ace.

Let's 'AVE IT.

This allows you to:

1. Get a steak slice heated to the temperature of the earth’s core for breakfast, then drop it all down your trousers.
2. Drive like an arse.
3. Show your arse crack
4. Honk at girls in the street (WTMINA)*
5. Buy a load of porn (WTMINA)
6. Look down girl’s tops in the cars next to you (WTMINA)

So 3 then.

However the swines I hired from gave me a van with next to no fuel in saying – “bring it back at the same level”. Clearly they expect you to put in more than you need, then they get some for free. None of this full tank - fill it up when you return malarkey. So out of principle, I stuck a fivers worth in reckoning that would get me there and back.

Consequently I spent a nervous trip into town and back with the fuel warning light on constantly. But I made it – in your face Chiswick Van Hire.

Getting the wardrobe up three flights of stairs was another adventure altogether.

*WTMINA - When the missus is not around


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

As if by magic.....

The hole has disappeared. Now there is a suspicious looking hatch, and a drain.
You know, like the one in that show Lost that NO-ONE WATCHES ANYMORE.

Keep an eye on those scotchmen.....