Saturday, January 07, 2012
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
A storm yesterday.
Long range forcasting is a tricky skill, needing vast modelling programmes, expertise and years of knowledge. I have none of these, but I do understand basic psychology.
Surely it would be better to predict a miserable summer every year, then when you are inevitably right you look clever. If you are wrong no-one cares as they are all enjoying the hot weather.
Think on chaps.
Monday, April 13, 2009
I have no life.
Woke up in the middle of the night, had a piss went back to bed.
On the way back caught sight of the alarm clock.
How did it come to this?
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Overflowing with pride.
Which I initially thought was gibberish, but no! Apparently, smahgirl was watching one of her DVDs with the Norwegian subtitles turned on and transcribing it for fun. I am so proud I could cry.
We must be the nerdiest house on the street.
What makes it even better is that she left the R out of NORSK.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
This just in.
Also according to mrs smahman, one can only a geek if you have a penis. FACT.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Not sure what's funnier.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
A very senior member of staff.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Yet more imperialism
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I want a brand new combine harvester.
However even I draw the line at £350 for some medieval weaponry, especially as arrows are NOT included. Next stop the country pursuits village, and a fantastic display of falconry. "The interesting thing about the Harris Hawk is the female is more donimant than the male." I must use that phrase more often in everyday life.
Best of all:
"Now that was a great display of working shire horses, but next up is a lovely vintage tractor parade, which should be well worth stopping around for...."
"Hold that, the vintage tractors is cancelled because aparently earlier today someone broke into the tractor compound and stole all the diesel, so sorry that's your lot for today."
I love my home town.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
What have I created!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
And where were you at 8 this morning?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Stealing the lead off the roof.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
So, instead a quick aside from when I worked at a hospital and had to organise body parts for collection by students. This is fun when someone fiddles idly with a package on your desk whilst talking to you.
"So what is this anyway"
"An amputated knee joint"
"Thanks for touching my bone"
And so forth.
And ALL my colleagues looked like this.
They would bring them out from surgery in bio bags and they are good to keep you hands warm on a cold winter's day.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
And who the HELL are you?
It lives in the mirror in our bedroom, and no matter how much she encourages it, won't come out to play. She finds this massively confusing, and keeps running into the bathroom that backs on to the mirror and finds it even more confusing that the strange dog isn't there either. It takes several trips back and forth to confirm this.
However it could just be that she is extremely vain and keeps popping to the bathroom to spruce up.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
What IS IT with train announcers. It's all very well telling me there is a quiet carriage where WE SHOULD KEEP NOISE TO A MINIMUM. But if you point this out loudly and at great length* at EVERY STOP it kind of negates the concept of having one.
*seriously 2 full minutes of drivel about safety cards, familiarize yourself with layout, available in Braille, snack carriages, station stops, STATION STOPS?!, the full list of station stops, quiet carriage location, smoking is banned ad nauseam. ect ect.
Is this a bet?
It never used to be this way, can it all just FUCK OFF from whence it came.
Monday, March 03, 2008
What I won for a weekend in a prize draw.
They probably think I am rich and will buy one after enjoying "the ultimate driving experience" and appreciating its balance and poise. A more likely scenario, is that the combination of my complete lack of driving ability, and very powerful car will result in it getting wrapped around a tree in a matter of seconds.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I am having a blog breakdown so for everyone who has visited recently, here are some pictures featuring gummy children who have fallen through a timewarp from the 1970's, and selected people I actually quite like.
Caro & Ella
smahlady & smahgirl
Beardo looking rugged
Boy in a box
Chris & Tina's tame monkey
Sethers - I failed utterly to get any of you or the two ladies - quick send me some.
Do I win the battleship? 269
Monday, February 04, 2008
Have you any idea?
Monday, January 14, 2008
It's Davos time again.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
A sad sad day.
For 200 bar Lee got himself a BARGAIN.
I should have put my foot down. Does junior really need a seat belt and/or seat in the back?
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Cool - but not that cool.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
It's time to start RUNNING!
"On your marks tubby!"
Whilst we are at it, can anyone explain why these shows have yet to be made?
"Monkey Tennis" - Alan Partridge did have SOME good ideas.
"The Stocks Market" - Criminal chavs are held before a kangaroo court, and then put in the stocks in a marketplace for a day.
"Top 10 Nazi Sharks From Hell" - I see Channel 5 for this one.
"Changing Rooms" - ditto, just think about it.
"Celebrity Auschwitz" Given time, this will actually happen. Vanessa Feltz to win.
"Is your house where you live?" - LOSER!
"The Ex Factor" - Idiots on ITV bitch incoherently about former partners.
"Penal Corectitude" - Lifers compete to win their freedom, a penis enlargement and a career in porn.
"Saturday Night, Takeaway Ant and Dec" - Please
"What's Up Doc?" - Unqualified imbecilic idiots argue with the editor of the Lancet and head of the BMA as to why they should be allowed to become a surgeon. The most obnoxious and stupid carries out a live televised triple bypass.
"Great Undertakings" - Winner deals with the inevitable results of the above.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Welcome to my grim urban hell
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Guess who is coming to dinner?
Monday, October 29, 2007
This may become a hobby of mine.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Good Work Cover Artist!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Train a Coming!
Unfortunately it was fairly apparent through my trousers, just hope I didn't mumble anything about damp proofing in my sleep. Or extensions.
Monday, September 10, 2007
I bite my fist.
Went to look round a house the other day, and the rather elderly lady estate agent kept refering to cupboards and suchlike as Glory Holes. Let me say for the record RIGHT NOW, I will not and shall not have such things in my house. I would never be able to get searlyeditor to leave.
N.B. You have to be the cliche yet again my friend, being by some margin, the gayest (and filthiest) person I know*.*I can't BELIEVE Matt didn't know.